Zen and Dentistry.

A few days back, I had the misfortune to chip my tooth. Suddenly a whole new vista opened in front of me. A vista of pain. Not a very welcome one, but educating nonetheless. The next few lines deal with how Vibhu da brahman found pain and then dealt with it.

It was dinner time and I was eating the South Indian staple meal ender, Curd Rice or as we like to call it Majge Anna. It is nothing special, just simple steamed rice with lots of cool curds or yoghurt, salt to taste and a dash of the house pickle. As you can imagine, weak teeth should be safe with this soft, gooey combo right? Wrong. One bite into this gruel and a sudden flare of pain.
Now, I have heard people describe pain in colors, so here goes.. It was white hot one moment and then receded to a dull mauve (sounds really sophisticated, Mauve, roll the sound off your tongue) and when I was brushing my teeth, a giant fireball right in front of my face.

Every guy has this macho image of himself being able to stand pain with a grin. Right now my grin was looking very disturbingly like a cross between a whimper and a grimace. So told myself, Vibhu da Brahman, shame on you, a tooth-ache getting you down? All 180 cm, 80 Kilos of you?
So decided to set my jaw and grit my teeth and show my mouth who is the boss.

Well.... bad move. All this setting the jaw and gritting the teeth is good enough if you have got Dabur or Colgate teeth, but with teeth that chip with Curd rice, bad mojo. Another white flare, mauve and great fireball later, I was swooning on my bed. Wondering how I will survive the night, before I can get to the dentist.

So, lying on one side was thinking of ways to get my mind of my teeth. I discovered that my brain actually loves my teeth and it is disgustingly hard to get it thinking of anything else. (No wonder I am fat! My brain keeps feeding the mouth so my teeth do not get bored.) I recalled all the ching pong movies I had seen as a child. Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee never felt pain. They conquered it as only the ching pongs can. So, I started ticking of the various chinkie methods of alleviating pain.

Acupuncture was out. No way was I sticking needles on myself. So tried acupressure. I jabbed, pressed, massaged all my toes, extremities and various other reachable parts of my body, but nothing helped. Went and burnt paper messages hoping the ching Gods will take away my Indian pain. Sadly no go and no show. Though my mom did come out and was happy to see me burning incense and prostrating before the house gods. Little did she know!

Then I hit on Zen and the art of pain control. Doused the fires and stuck the Incense on a holder and rushed to my room. Assumed a warrior stance, feet at shoulder width, hips bent, fists out at waist level. Evenly poised to spring like a dragon and crush ten enemies. All for one chipped tooth. Then I started intoning, pain is good, pain is your friend, find the pain and pull it in. Pain makes you a better fighter. Pain is good, pain is your friend, find the pain and pull it in. Pain makes you a better fighter. Pain is good..... Well all I got from that was achy hips. It is actually hard to bend your hips when you are this, how can I put it, X axially expansive.

Disgusted with Zen, I got back in bed and started thinking. The pain was driving me nuts and glimpses of my life were flashing by me. All those candy and the ice creams, the sugar treats, stuff my dreams were made of, suddenly got horns and turned in to nightmares. Then out of nowhere a snippet of information flew out of the recesses of my mind. I had read somewhere that Sexual thoughts usually drives any other thought from your mind. It was supposed to be a biological thing. No wonder Biologists are so thoughtful and distracted.

Latching on to this thought as a god send, I started intoning Beautiful, Blonde Bombshell on your Bedside or BBBOYB. My mind started a ten speed preview of all the BBBs I had ever seen or dreamt of. Found one and then concentrated hard. Suddenly BBBOYB was happening. The fireball was turning in to tendrils of beautiful blonde hair. Then just when I thought I had it licked, (the pain, that is) I smiled at my BBB and wham! mauve again. All of a sudden, the blonde and the fireball merged and my pain was worse off now.

Tossing and turning I somehow managed to fall asleep. Woke up in the morning with a funny feeling in my mouth. Sent my tongue to explore it, bad move.. The world turned hazy and I started whimpering, again. Managed to brush my teeth, have my coffee and started calling friends up for dental references.

Located one near my residence and got an appointment that very evening. The rest of the day was spent looking like a gorrila with piles during berry season. Then came the acid test. Got to the dentist and sat on his chair. Opened wide and guess what happened. I saw him smile. Not a very pleasant smile. A, Now I can send my son abroad for further studies or finally Seychelles here I come! smile. The dentist was wearing his mask, so caught the smile slightly muffled, but it was there nevertheless.

The dentist asked me how I felt and I gave him the look. He saw it and immediately started working. He started dictating to his assistant and giving me a running commentary. No.5 is chipped and needs a RC (root canal), left molar gone. I said no, then he gave me a look and poked with his metal thingie. A flare and then I said ok, left molar gone. By now I could actually see/feel my pretty little green C notes flying away on pigeon wings.

He worked his magic, snapped a couple of X rays and scheduled ten visits for me on his dairy. I gasped, Ten!! I asked. Then he made me lie down again on the chair, handed me a hand mirror and showed me. With his metal thingie. There are some things a man should never have to see too often, I believe that sight may have put me off dentition for life. He patted my shoulder and said, son, you do not worry. In the end, it will all look natural. That will be Rs.500, please.

I paid up and left. Ten visits later, I was actually feeling good. The RCs were not so bad, He worked hard and fast. My pretty little C notes did complete their migration from one bank account to another, but in the end I could chew on both sides of my mouth and actually feel all my teeth healthier. My brain was happy, I was happy.

One side effect though. Now for some strange reason, whenever I see a beautiful blonde on the telly, my teeth are set on edge and I have to change channels.. Whatever can the reason be??