The Bald Head!

A lot of people have asked me what the head is all about and why I am staring so at it. Well it was indeed a strange if somewhat far fetched, but nonetheless an interesting story being told. The photographer, with a penchant for taking lots of snaps and an itchy shutter finger, captured us in all our glory. It goes some what as follows, its as true as I can make it. Here is what the bald head had to say…

“ By fluke, you (Me, Vibhu) had managed to sell that stupid machine in Assam and it fell on me as the senior service engineer to go install it. So, booked the tickets and went. Did not know how long it would take to install the machine, so did not book the return tickets. Mistake 1.
Got there in one piece, made a few friends on the train, two guys and a hooker. God really wants to test whither my orientation lies, but with my normally shy disposition, I think I have disappointed him yet again.

I went to the hotel, showered changed and went to the college to install the machine. To my horror, I discovered that one very important part was broken beyond repair. What else to do, but sit on my ass and wait for a replacement. I set things up so that when the replacement came, it would take me a minimum amount of time to finish the installation and leave this place.

So back to the hotel, checked in to a smaller, less expensive room to stretch my budget. I calculated I had enough funds to last me 10-12 days without skimping on the food or the sight seeing. So off I was to places of note, in and around the city. It is a beautiful place, with green forests, brimming with spirituality and everything. It is also well provided with lakes, rivers and water bodies that make it a pleasant place to spend time in.

When I had my fill of lakes, rivers and the other water bodies, I found my mind returning to the essential problems of my life. My loss of follicular growth and my growing confusion regarding my sexual orientation. So, in a whim, I asked a local standing there, if he knew any yogi around here, who would answer questions of the soul? With a beaming smile, he nodded his head and agreed to guide me there. He said it was a long route and if I wanted, he knew a cousin/brother of his with a cart. I said why not? Mistake 2.

So we all got in the cart, the smiling guide the taciturn driver and the confused engineer from Mumbai. Pretty soon, we were inside a great deep forest. Green on all sides, north, south, east and west. With just enough light coming in, to emphasize the greenness of the whole place. I was tired by then, all the sight seeing was taking its toll, felt like taking a nap, and then I was not feeling it any more, just doing it. Mistake 3.

Suddenly I woke and found that we had stopped. The friendly guide was missing and there was just the taciturn driver there. I asked where the guide or the yogi was. He just pointed to a small path right in front. I shrugged and went down it. It led to a small clearing with a huge banyan tree at the center. At the foot of the tree, was the selfsame yogi. I could not believe my eyes. At once I prostrated myself at his feet (like I have seen done in immeasurable movies) and asked for his blessings. Before I could get in another sentence, he told me what my problems were and gave me a fruit to quench my hunger. I marveled at his intimate knowledge of my bodily state and hungrily chewed the proffered fruit. Mistake 4. A sudden increase in perception, brought to fore the similarity between the yogi and the guide, not to mention the glimpse of pants under the saffron dhoti. Soon I was drifting off, dreaming my strangely comforting dream of sleeping with Bipasha Basu and John Abraham at the same time.

When I woke, I had a strange tingly feeling all over my body. It felt as if somebody had very gently given me a scrub with a slightly rough pumice stone. When I scratched my head, I was in for a worse shock. My whole scalp felt like a rough sand paper!!! My gently growing strands of silk were no longer in their accustomed places. I was running around distractedly when I heard a noise behind me. It was the guide. I ran towards him with murder on my mind. Here was the one who took my beautiful hair away. Before I could get to two paces of him, I was surrounded by a fence of razors. Very sharp razors. I halted immediately and glared down at him. His genial face had hardened and there was a cold glint in his eyes.

He said. " You are wondering, what and why. I will tell you. We are ‘Ungrow-wadis’ ”. I interrupted,” Don’t you mean ugrowadis?” He made an impatient gesture, as if he had heard the question before and was tired of answering it. “ Ungrow as in the English, Wadis as in the Hindi wadi. We are freedom fighters.” By now I was utterly confused, what could freedom fighters have to do with ungrowing stuff? So I asked and thus he explained. “ We are fighting for our mother land to be free of all alien invaders. People who bring their diseases, corrupt morals etc etc (and so it went for a while. I think it was a speech, well prepared for, but given for the first time.) We have decided that we will shave each and every alien that we can lay our hands on. By this we will force the corrupt, hairy government to fall on its knees and give us our freedom. We have decided to hit them where it hurts the most, their vanity. We are going to target every balding man, woman and child to come in to our beautiful state and shave them all. This way we can both mark them when they are here and also send a strong signal to the government regarding our intentions. I want you to carry your mark to the government and tell them our story. Please do not try and lead them back here, next time you could lose more than all you hair.”

With this strong statement in my ears, he escorted me back to my hotel. I was actually glad that the encounter was at an end. All I wanted was, a shower, a strong drink and bed. The real horror started only when I dropped my clothes in the bathroom and discovered what the guide meant when he said all your hair.