Stolen Mobiles!

This is for all Mumbaikars who have had their phones flicked, stolen or robbed at gun, knife or stick point. Sometime back I formally joined the ranks of the mobile-phonetically deprived of the city. A nasty slick pick-pouch robbed me of the sublime joy of answering missives from friends, colleagues and clients. Of talking to near and dear ones, while on the move or just plain listening to music that I like while whiling away time in public transport, getting transported from one end of this mega-polis to the other.

But I digress. To help people deal with this problem, I have made a list of all the things that I went through and hopefully others would find it useful in dealing with such issues as and when they arise.

1. Stop the bus, train or cab wherever you may be on discovering the loss of the phone. Let out a primeval howl of anguish that lets the world know, that you have lost something you rely on for survival and succor. Something, that brings joy and sorrow to your life, your gateway to love, life and happiness. In case you notice anyone trying to sneak away, do try to question him gently with the handiest, stick, bag or fist as the conditions may be.
   
2. Check your bags, pockets and surroundings again. Sometimes mobile phones like babies have to be constantly watched, because they have an un-nerving tendency to wander away. To be found, in the most unlikely of places. Enlist the help of others in this search for the holy cell, use their phones to ring it up and locate it Van-Dam style by sound only. If not found, use the howl again. With practice, it usually gets better and sounds more frightening.
   
3. Get off at the next stop and demand to frisk all passengers detraining or getting off the bus. Proclaim that, this is your fundamental right under the Indian Constitution, sub headed in the TRAI act, which incase any one asks, stands for: Telephone Retrieval Act, India. Create a scene and delay all the passengers. God, cannot be cruel to just one, he works on whole populations and not individuals.
   
4. Get yourself to the nearest police station. Get a complaint registered. Increase their work and take away their performance incentive. Mobile phone convictions are very low. If you trouble them enough and are loud enough (use the howl if you have to, only in dire emergencies though) they usually have a stock of recovered phones and they let you take your pick (usually works only if you are twenty something, in a fetching dress and are sobbing hysterically about your father killing you for losing this phone) This should last you till you have saved enough to get a new phone.
   
5. Always carry the IMEI number around. Policemen have the habit of asking the most awkward questions and the most incontinent of times. If you don’t know where to find the IMEI number, this page is not for you.
   
6. Use the pay phone and call up the office and home to inform them that the phone is lost.
   
7. Go to the relationship center and get the card discontinued or blocked.
   
8. Enjoy your new found status as the unconnected. One of the rare breeds of isolated men and women. Sit in a garden, feed the sparrows, philosophise. Try and ignore the blissful neighbors talking on their life line to humanity and sanity.

And if all these don’t work, get out that credit card, walk in to the store, purchase a new one and call me to share your agony.

Vibhu.