The moon is dying.

The following is dedicated to the one and only LMJ. A person who with the power of her conversation makes me ascend greater heights of folly.

A silence on the other end, does tend to give you great artistic freedom..

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"The moon is dying."

The statement reverberated in the plush confines of a Delhi office. It was no ordinary office, but the office of the exalted ruler of the most populous country on earth. A country which on the turn of the new millennium had finally awoken from its slumber and was charging like a lumbering elephant (animals, slow to start, but on stampeding, exceedingly fast and difficult to stop). Using the Two Billion or so Indians as currency, the Indian economy had risen by astronomical percentages in the past few decades. But all this is unimportant in view of the immediate demise of the closest astronomical body.

The Great Exalted Ruler Of Most Populous Indian Nation (GEROMPIN) or Grumpi as he was called behind his back, looked suitably abashed at the maker of the aforementioned silence creating statement, the Chief Astrophysicist of the Most Populous Indian Nation (CAMPIN) or Champi as he was known to all and sundry.

With a most undignified opening of the oral orifice, GEROMPIN gasped and asked what, why, how, when and where in rapid succession. With great reluctance at parting a state secret, Champi decided that the time had come to make Grumpi familiar with a few facts of Indian life and it was not going to be very easy on him. Traditionally Indian rulers have believed in beheading the messenger of bad news and somehow unreasonably, Champi was quite attached to it. (The only other person with that failing was his mother, god rest her soul).

Champi began, "A long, long time ago when the Himalayas were still adolescent, just a middling sized lump of volcanic matter on Mother Earth’s body, India was being settled. Though the name India had not been decided yet, the seeds of the culture and the nation were being sowed. At that time the master Indian race were past-masters in relativity physics and time forecasting.

They had realized that ten thousand years down the line, evolution and great Indian politicos would necessitate a cheap source of energy for helping Indians down the destined path of glory and riches. Otherwise the phase of existence that should have been “Sat” yug or Satellite yug would turn to Kal yug or dark yug. So they gave us the technology to harness cheap light energy.

Here Grumpi timidly raised his hand, “us?” He asked, “What us are you talking about. This is the first time I have ever heard of this. Is not our energy coming from the little Middle Eastern country we annexed about twenty years back, what was it called, some southie or something. Not to mention rivers falling on fans and stuff like that?”

With great forbearance Champi replied well these things do provide a small part of our vast energy needs. But that’s just to fool the world. We get our energy from vast satellite and terrestrial power plants that work on a specific frequency of light, special receivers that charge deep underground power cells working on 88% efficiency. The next generation of power cells would be able to work at 88.25% efficiency. He paused here with a happy smile of remembrance of the party they had when the scientists discovered the new material that could conduct light energy more efficiently. He had almost gotten laid that night.

Grumpi was trying hard to fight the glazed look on his face. (Something that had taken a semi-permanent residence on his facial configuration since the conference started. He interposed,” You mean to say I captured the whole region, solved the middle east issue, the contentious Jew – Arab conflict, with Christian leaders baying for Jerusalem just to throw dust in the eyes of the world???!!!”

With a look of almost Gandhian patience Champi said that is true. Now stop interrupting and let me get on to the important stuff. In layman’s language, the light of the moon makes this country run. The great elders put receivers of the suns rays on the dark side of the moon. These receivers kept the moon full and bright, the moon then beamed this light down to earth at specific intervals- Amavasyas. With 88.25% efficiency it takes us twelve hours to charge our reservoirs to last us for a fortnight.

With so much intellectual input, Grumpi was actually smoking in his seat. Squirming uncomfortably, he asked,” So where is the problem?” (Almost added O great one) and after a pause, “How come you know all this and I don’t?”

To this the great Champi replied, “We come from a long line of moon worshippers. Our lineage was started to keep the secret and put it to good use when the time arose. So for the past forty years, I and my cousins have been keeping your economy running.” All this with a smug smile that surprising did not increase his facial popularity factor to more than the pre-existing two.

Now Grumpi had almost had it. He had sat for two whole hours listening to this fool with the ugly mug and getting insulted in the end. It was reminding him much too disconcertingly of his school days. So with a chilly smile he said, “So this moon death is all your family’s fault, huh?”

The chilly smile won the contest over the smug one and brought Champi back to earth and reminded him about the li'l fact about Indian rulers and messengers. Hurriedly he moved on.

“No, No. We did our best. All the equipment is in excellent running order. It is just that the receivers are not receiving the regular hertzial excitement to keep them in perfect functioning order. “

Grumpi growled “ Hindi Champu, Hindi”

Champi: “It is just that, for the solar receivers to work, they require a particular sound transmission. For the past few years this particular sound transmissions have gone down drastically. We tried different frequencies, but nothing seems to work. Do you remember a couple of decades back, when you were the information and broadcasting minister? You passed just one law....?”

Grumpi: (Beaming) ” Yea. The high point of my career, The B.I.A.S.E.D Law, Ban Item dances And Songs in Entertainment Directive law.”

Champi: “You used to say that all the Autos and taxis playing these songs gave you a head ache. Well actually these transmissions kept the moon going. For the past twenty years we have been trying to recreate the particular frequency. So in the interest of Humanity can you please get HIMMESH back?